Mad Dog Quotes and Facts
Mad Dog Quotes
“If you ain’t cheatin you ain’t trying.”
“Winning isn’t everything, It’s the only thing.”
“There is no crying in the baseball, so there is no crying in the LRSD.”
“Get Back Skippy Boo, Get Back.”
“Almost never won a race.”
“Luck is when preparation and hard work meets opportunity.”
Mad Dog Facts
1. Mad Dog can kill two Birds with one stone.
2. Mad Dog doesn’t sleep. He waits.
3. Mad Dog did in fact, build Rome in a day.
4. If you have five dollars and Mad Dog has five dollars, Mad Dog has more money than you.
5. Mad Dog counted to infinity – twice.
6. Mad Dog once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.
7. Count from one to ten. That’s how long it would take Mad Dog to kill you… Forty seven times.
8. In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly because they knew Mad Dog was coming.
9. Mad Dog once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
10. There are no weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. Mad Dog lives in Pennsylvania.
11. Mad Dog is the reason Waldo is hiding.
12. Mad Dog can sneeze with his eyes opened.
13. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Mad Dog
14. Mad Dog can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
15. Mad Dog once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
16. There is in fact an “I” in Diaperdandy, but there is no “team”… not even close.
17. Mad Dog doesn’t play god. Playing is for children.
18. Mad Dog doesn’t miss shots if he doesn’t hit you take it as a warning.
19. Superman’s weakness is kryptonite. Mad Dog has no weaknesses.
20. If you Google search “Mad Dog getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
21. Mad Dog doesn’t believe in Germany.
22. Mad Dog cannot love, he can only not kill.
23. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Mad Dog.
24. He is known as Mad Dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.
25. Whoever said “Only the good die young” was probably in Mad Dog’s kindergarten class.
26. Fear is not the only emotion Mad Dog can smell. He can also detect hope, as in “I hope I don’t get my ass kicked from Mad Dog.”
27. Mad Dog destroyed the periodic table, because Mad Dog only recognizes the element of surprise.
28. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Mad Dog.
29. When Mad Dog looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Mad Dog.
30. We don’t know if Mad Dog enjoys a good fight. He’s never had one.
31. Mad Dog once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
32. Guns don’t kill people. Mad Dog kills People.
33. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Mad Dog out. It failed miserably.
34. The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Mad Dog played in second grade.
35. Faster than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive … able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… yes, these are some of Mad Dog’s warm-up exercises.
36. Mad Dog sheds his skin twice a year.
37. What color is Mad Dog’s blood? Trick Question: Mad Dog doesn’t bleed.
38. Mad Dog has a pet kitten – every night for a snack.
39. When Mad Dog throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.
40. You know Mad Dog jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.
41. The only reason the color pink still exists is because Mad Dog is color blind.
42. Mel Gibson pretended to be a Lethal Weapon. Mad Dog is a Lethal Weapon.
43. Mad Dog can kill more people before 9 A.M. than most armies can kill all day.
44. Mr T once beat Mad Dog in an arm wrestling match, as an act of retaliation Mad Dog invented racism.
45. Mad Dog once struck lightning.
46. Mad Dog can speak Braille.
47. Mad Dog invented the internet so people could talk about how great Mad Dog is.
48. Mad Dog was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, “Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery.”
49. When Mad Dog gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
50. Giraffes were created when Mad Dog uppercutted a horse.
51. Mad Dog does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Mad Dog goes killing.
52. Mad Dog doesn’t have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
53. Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Mad Dog can throw Brett Favre even further.
54. Mad Dog once caught the flue. But it escaped.
55. Originally Mad Dog was in the cast of “The Expendables” but the movie was only 3 seconds long because there was nothing left to kill.
56. Mad Dog doesn’t feed with bullets, that’s idiotic. Bullets are just snacks.
57. When a person attacks Mad Dog, they call it a 45-12. Suicide.
58. Mad Dog is the reason why LeBron James took his talents to South Beach.
59. Mad Dog knows what a double rainbow means.
60. Mad Dog does not need Twitter…he is already following you.
61. Some magicans can walk on water, Mad Dog can swim through land.
62. Mad Dog doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it.
63. Mad Dog made a “Happy Meal” cry.
64. Mad Dog once urinated in a semi truck’s gas tank as a joke….that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
65. Mad Dog and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.