Alright, like a normal insane, my thoughts are all blurred together and this is one MASSIVE article but it accomplishes multiple things and serves the purpose of several. All these ideas are interlinked in some way though and build on each other so I didn’t want to separate them. So pertaining to recent events including an apology from the bench warmer, here is a look inside the head of iNSANO…
Ask any gamer. They’ll all tell you the same thing. Xbox live is not thought of as a sheltering environment. The testosterone filled adolescence that run rampid all over the internet make it a harsh backstabbing, hateful, vulgar place. So it goes without saying that when it comes to online gaming, nobody can form genuine relationships…
Nobody that is…except the LRSD.
On the eve of Christmas eve I had yet another instance of appreciation for my niche in gaming, in this small oasis amidst the chaotic ,ever-changing online world. Without trying to single the kid out, Mancubb was being looked after by his family, and some discussion you normally wouldn’t share with strangers over xbl took place. At first I honestly felt uneasy due to the intimacy of the issue. However this ceased to be the case, and I began to feel less like a foreigner with a simple comment Maddog said. He said, “Its ok Mancub, most people in this room are family and the rest are LRSD which makes them like family.”
The latter half of this remark Is what struck me with warmth and a sense of belonging, proud to be apart of something that defies the odds on xbl. An old man from the mountains of PA, a primary schooler from the bustling northeast, a college kid from Texas, and a business man from NC. Somehow they all co-exist in the LRSD. As the latter of those (aka battojin) puts it, “you have a mix of northerners and southern gentlemen. Up north, if they pick on you its cause they like you, but down south it means they don’t.” Battojin and I agree, there are some startling differences we have to gap to play a videogame together and enjoy it. To continually overcome barriers like this takes maturity, patience, and commitment from all parties.
Somehow through those things, LRSD has become what Mad Dog says it is, family. Even for those of us not blood related to old guy, there’s something there. Recently I lost sight of this. It was the price to be paid for to narrowly honing the focus in on a sudden onslaught of gb matches and chances to prove we got what it takes to be a top challenger in this years game. Simply put, my priorities were screwed up. I was worried about going to the top with teammates before building relationships with family. AS many excuses and selfish reasons I naturally have coursing through me that would argue that I was right and this “bench” thing is a load of crap, there is one reason that forces me to say I am glad I got the chance to write this article and be humbled. Rather it be sitting the bench or a simple 5 minute chat, some mechanism needed to be enacted to refocus on the family and put reaching the top page of gamebattles in hindsight. I’m naturally an extremely competitive person like some of you and HATE TO LOSE! But in the grand scheme of things I am afraid I’d have to admit id rather play gb at a mediocre level (even though I don’t think mediocre describes LRSD’s potential) with good friends than play at the top with people I only tolerate.
Pertaining to a personal apology that necessitates approaching blackerberrry & maddog, but also addresses everyone in the end:
So Blackerberry, we’ve had a few arguments…but setting aside who was right[ (even though I’m rarely wrong ß pulled a maddog there lol] I must say it was my focus on winning even at the expense of your approval that has created the current situation. So apologies for trying to point the finger and impede my playing style on you. What works for me doesn’t necessarily work for everyone. So just to answer your question about why I left my spot in… lets use an analogy.
In football when you are beating a team soundly, you have the cushion to play some second stringers and perhaps try to practice some plays that aren’t as solid as the ones on the regular playsheet. And when you have a big lead and kneel the ball or run it right up the middle, you are trying to do one thing, end the game faster. That being said, this is was what I was trying to do in map 2 after 4-0ing a team first map and being up 2 nill or something in map two. Now is that itself that wrong? I would argue sometimes it’s appropriate to slack off and others it’s not. I would never have “gone fishing” in a different situation. If you don’t like me trying to end to game faster no matter if it seems like an appropriate situation or not, simply tell me and I will respect your opinion in the future. So I just argued seems like the devil’s advocate and said fishing is ok. That’s not what I am saying per se… and that’s not the main point. The main point is, if you go fishing and the fish steals your line you have nobody to blame but yourself. In the heat of the moment I wrongly blamed you and I think that is where the real mistake was. The fishing? Yes wrong, but perhaps given the circumstances forgivable. The mess afterwards?…not so much.
Back to the analogy In football, in a blowout game, if a receiver unknowingly to the QB runs an experimental route and the pass fails, the receiver doesn’t have the right to blame the quarterback for something as small as leading the guy over the wrong shoulder. I hope you see where I’m going with this. So I’m sorry for arguing with you over something that dumb man. Please forgive my competitive nature and its disregard for normal social skills such as listening or humility.
By not telling you of the rules being wrong, I was just trying to prevent embarrassment and keep your sense of approval. The consequence you said would have been a lot of fun poking at it and probably nothing more. Now like battojin says about the northerner southerner difference. From my persective its difficult to tell how much of that picking on is just joking and how much is actuall frustration. That sounds soft but there is some merit to it. Now don’t gag or puke or anything this only comes from lack of a better word…as corny as it sounds, the sense of family LRSD has given me includes seeing you as a father type figure. Now set aside gayness and just go with the analogy here. Sons want to make there fathers proud. But sometimes as you know, they do that in the most bass ackwards way. Similarly, I was just trying to “keep you proud of me” in our situation, but going about it in a dumb *** way. Now I’m sure I’ll never hear the end of it for such a softguy analogy but I figured it would do the job and went along with the whole family thing I touched on at the beginning.
Now before you get all worried, that wasn’t some secret cry out about not having a fatherly figure in my life or bla bla, I am not truly insane despite the gamertag, and do not need psychiatric help concerning my family life. But seriously though, because of my competitiveness I sometimes forget that the Maddog I play gb with is the same guy who is telling me what language to learn, what books to pick up at barnes and noble, and having intelligent conversations with me outside of gaming. When I forget that is when the “new stupid insane” creeps in. This happened not surprisingly within a month of starting up gb for the new game. Before then, the competitive side was dead in-between games and it was just the relationship and family I was focused on between mw2 and black ops release. After this I will try to set the gb distraction aside and keep the “focus on the family” (cliché I know).
This same concept goes to all of you LRSD guys who I’m sure have felt a sense of my pride or competitive side shadowing the guy who truly strives to get along with all of ya. Anyway, hope you all find this apology genuine and satisfactory, and I’ll see you on the battlefield…but more importantly in the lobby getting to know ya. And to those of you I do not see today, HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!